Slap Yo' Mamma!

I've always had a secret ambition to be a food columnist. Not only because I cherish the vision of breaking bread in fabulous and posh places, then brandishing my witty pen to slash out stylish and knowledgeable critiques...but also because I'm kinda fond of the idea of getting paid to eat.
But, since that line of work has not yet come my way, I'll just have to content myself with sharing my brilliant insight on the culinary jewels of our small metropolis (that I unwittingly stumble across) here...New York Times' food column can eat its heart out!
On Tuesday, partly to console her on her first day back at work and partly to rub it in that I didn't have to work, I took my Lil' Sis to the Momma Goldberg's Deli that has just opened up in town. (And by "took" I mean that I suggested it, she agreed, and we both paid for our own meal...that's how it works in our family.) We had both heard good reports of the deli in other locations, and had been wanting to try it out.
I don't have a sophisticated palate ("You used truffle oil instead of fresh truffles??!!! Scandalous!!"), but I am a very particular eater ("Only home-grown, very fresh, very ripe tomatoes on my biscuits and gravy please!"), and when it comes to sandwiches, I am extremely picky! It's to the point that my mother refuses to make them for me. (When I was 10, I told her I wanted mayonnaise on both the top and bottom bread, then ham, then cheese, then mustard on the top bread, close the sandwich so that the mustard touches the cheese, open it up, then add lettuce - only the dark leaves - then tomato. She told me I could make my own sandwich.) So, suffice it to say, I had very high expectations for this deli.
Now, down to business:

Something Corny This Way Comes

'Twas the Day After Christmas and all through my house
Everyone was still sleeping - as snug as a...um...mouse?
I was frantically searching for gifts I haven't yet bought
It's that my bro's come this weekend - NOT that I forgot!
My wallet is empty ...my pocketbook to let.
Thank goodness for gift cards! ...or I'd be in major debt!

...

To Amazon! To Ebay! To [other sites that don't rhyme]!
Shipping is outrageous!! - I'm running out of time!!

New Year, New Blog

...OK, it's not really a new year, yet...
Can't believe I'm actually starting on my New Year's resolution early!! It's not even Christmas, and I'm already fulfilling one. I think my procrastinating soul might go into shock!
I've never been one of the "blogger set," and I don't usually relish sharing my deepest thoughts and desires with total strangers, so... here's to a somewhat witty, slightly sarcastic, and hopefully entertaining foray into the blogosphere! Merry Christmas, y'all!